Ethical Wills: The Positives and the Perils for the Family

This article covers the relatively new topic of writing an ethical will as part of conveying the testator's values, beliefs, and lessons learned in living to one's relatives, particularly one's beneficiaries. It addresses how the ethical will may become an addendum or codicil to one's legal/financial will or be crafted as a separate document. The meaning of and reasons for ethical wills are highlighted as are its value to the progenitor and those who will be affected by the document. We consider how and when to broach this topic with clients, when one may be serving as a consultant, coach or therapist, as well as some of the reasons people who learn about the possibility of writing an ethical will may decide against it. When beneficiaries (and would-be beneficiaries) first learn the contents of a recently deceased person's will when it is read at probate, surprise can lead to negative consequences such as turning them against one another. An ethical will can temper the surprise and remind the beneficiaries of the testator's values, beliefs, and lessons. Five brief case vignettes, each based on the combining of several real life situations, are recounted. The concluding section summarizes the efficacy of promulgating (and even self-authoring), and discussing one's ethical will with the intended beneficiaries as well as some of the reasons posited by those, including many estate attorneys, who are not in favor of such documents. Our clinical and consulting experiences with those who have drawn up ethical wills have been predominantly positive; perhaps this reflects the self-selective nature of those who choose to engage in this process.